Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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