At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
