This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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