Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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