This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
