Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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