i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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