remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
