Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize