whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
