omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
