That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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