ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
