Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
