someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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