apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
