Tell her she can't have a vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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