im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
