I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
