i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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