I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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