i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
