They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
