he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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