He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
