she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
4 words: hood of his car
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
