i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
