If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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