She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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