So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
