Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
