A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
