you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
