I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
