My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
