You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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