Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Houston, we have a blender
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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