So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we made out on top of his cat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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