"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
