Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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