Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
should my penis look like a turkey
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
