The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.