Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
