I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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