I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
