Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.