It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
