His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.