Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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