I think my vagina is haunted
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
