I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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