nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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