I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
