Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
