Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
