thanks...oh and i got my period
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.