why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out