I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
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Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP