I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
