Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
