Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
