Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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