What a fucking waste of an outfit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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