I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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