hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
