The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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