Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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