They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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