he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize