your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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