I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
