so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
