I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
