PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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