just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
