Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
