I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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