it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
