Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
