My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
