you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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