I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
