the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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