took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
