i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
