i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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