What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
