God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
