Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
