My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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