im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
