so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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