so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
