Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
