i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
