guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
NoShamevember. You game?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
