I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
